I have hereby been authorized to offer you the following
bribe gift
so I can win Mango Minster for your totally stupendous work as the most honest and impartial judge the world has ever seen:
One month's paid vacation to an unnamed location
so Pedro can't find you in British Columbia, Canada.
During your stay at our 5 star resort you will receive the following:
A quiet solitude where you only need to
compete reside with two dawgs and one cat!
A wake up call at
5 10 a.m. each morning followed by a
brisk morning afternoon
walk carry on a white fluffy pillow. Your personal servant will lower you only when you deem it necessary and so as to not cause you any undue stress will lift your leg as needed.
Breakfast, lunch and dinner will be served on a silver platter each day and will consist of hot dogs, roast beef, chicken, squirrel. Any or all of those will be served upon your request.
Your days will be filled with illicit puppy dawg dreams as you listen to the ocean calm your nerves and lull you to sleep.
At the end of the day, you will receive a full body deep massage to rid you of any stresses that you may have experienced during the day.
You will not be required to bathe, have your nails trimmed or any other grooming done unless you request it.
This
bribe gift
will only be valid if I win Mango Minster is yours to redeem at any time.
I hope to see you at the estate
for the sole purpose of slipping you some hot dogs.
Sincerely,
The most insane cracker dog around named Sam!
